Creating a Great Marriage With Kids

My husband and I had the opportunity to attend a wonderful marriage enrichment workshop this weekend facilitated by Marriage Transformation Project founders, Susanne Alexander and Craig Farnsworth. We attended with eight other couples - engaged, married without kids, married with kids, and empty nesters. It was a really rewarding experience. Developing as a married couple is critical to creating the kind of family culture we believe is important for our children.

So often I’ve heard to put my marriage first and the kids second. I understand the idea, in theory. I want my children to have a strong, loving, committed marriage modeled for them and the only way for my husband and I to do that is to work daily at preserving our union. I think the challenge lies in implementation. My children are squeakier wheels than my husband. My identity and role has become defined by motherhood more in many ways than by marriage. I didn’t lose sight of who I was when I married, but I did when I became a mom. I’m rediscovering myself now that I’m coming out of the babyhood years and emerging into the elementary and preschool years with my children.

I’m so grateful that we set aside the weekend to focus on the two of us. I think having uninterrupted time to talk when we’re not tired or distracted by tasks is one of our biggest challenges. It’s easy to go our separate ways in the evenings after the kids have been put to bed. The activities and tools we learned this weekend really gave us some new information about one another and allowed us the chance to reflect and create a vision for our marriage. We were able to establish goals and realistic action steps to fulfill those goals.

Two of the five goals we have committed to do that may spark you to think about your own marriage goals…

1. Goal - To Spend More Time Alone Together - 1 Date Night/Month, Take Ballroom Dancing, Watch a TV Show or Movie Together Weekly
2. Goal - Communication - Compliment Each Other Daily, Hug & Kiss Upon Arrival/Departure, Be Respectful/Non-Critical

It was amazing that just writing down some specifics - although a bit strange to require ourselves to do something like kiss and hug each other when we arrive home or before we go - this small thing really does make a difference in how we feel about one another. The other goals that you may want to use as a way to set specifics…Nurturing Your Spiritual Life in the Home, With Yourself, and With Each Other; Co-Parenting; and Physical Intimacy.

Two of the resources we found exceptional this weekend were: Pure Gold: Encouraging Character Qualities in Marriage by Susanne Alexander and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.